As a young teenager, kneeling in a dark cathedral one night, with no illumination in the church but the
sanctuary lamp, I had an experience of intense light. I was thirteen years old and totally convinced
that, whatever it was and wherever it came from, the light was God. Perhaps it was a good janitor
working late, or a bad switch that did not work at all, or a startling insight given to a young woman,
given gratuitously. I did not know then and I do not know now. But I did know that the light was God
and that God was light.
---
It has not always been easy—I went through a terrible period as a young sister—to the point that I
thought I would have to leave religious life because I doubted the divinity of Jesus. Only when I realized
that I did believe deeply and profoundly in God could I come to peace with the fact that faith in God
would have to be enough. It was a dark, empty time. It threw me back on the barest of beliefs but the
deepest of beliefs. I hung on in hope like a spider on a thread. But the thread was enough for me. As a
result, my faith actually deepened over the years. The humanity of Jesus gave promise to my own.
Jesus ceased to be distant and ethereal and “perfect.” Jesus let no system, no matter how revered,
keep him from a relationship with God. And that union with God, I came to understand, was divine.
Then I also understood that questions are of the essence in a mature faith.
I don’t fear the questions any more. I know that they are all part of the process of coming to union
with God and refusing to make an idol of anything less. The point is that during that difficult time I didn’
t try to force anything. I simply lived in the desert believing that whatever life I found there was life
enough for me. I believed that God was in the darkness. It is all part of the purification process and
should be revered. It takes away from us our paltry little definitions of God and brings us face-to-face
with the Transcendent. It is not to be feared. It is simply to be experienced. Then, God begins to live
in us without benefit of recipes and rituals, laws, and “answers”—of which there are, in the final
analysis, none at all.
–from Joan Chittister: In My Own Words, ed. Mary Lou Kownacki (Liguori)
sanctuary lamp, I had an experience of intense light. I was thirteen years old and totally convinced
that, whatever it was and wherever it came from, the light was God. Perhaps it was a good janitor
working late, or a bad switch that did not work at all, or a startling insight given to a young woman,
given gratuitously. I did not know then and I do not know now. But I did know that the light was God
and that God was light.
---
It has not always been easy—I went through a terrible period as a young sister—to the point that I
thought I would have to leave religious life because I doubted the divinity of Jesus. Only when I realized
that I did believe deeply and profoundly in God could I come to peace with the fact that faith in God
would have to be enough. It was a dark, empty time. It threw me back on the barest of beliefs but the
deepest of beliefs. I hung on in hope like a spider on a thread. But the thread was enough for me. As a
result, my faith actually deepened over the years. The humanity of Jesus gave promise to my own.
Jesus ceased to be distant and ethereal and “perfect.” Jesus let no system, no matter how revered,
keep him from a relationship with God. And that union with God, I came to understand, was divine.
Then I also understood that questions are of the essence in a mature faith.
I don’t fear the questions any more. I know that they are all part of the process of coming to union
with God and refusing to make an idol of anything less. The point is that during that difficult time I didn’
t try to force anything. I simply lived in the desert believing that whatever life I found there was life
enough for me. I believed that God was in the darkness. It is all part of the purification process and
should be revered. It takes away from us our paltry little definitions of God and brings us face-to-face
with the Transcendent. It is not to be feared. It is simply to be experienced. Then, God begins to live
in us without benefit of recipes and rituals, laws, and “answers”—of which there are, in the final
analysis, none at all.
–from Joan Chittister: In My Own Words, ed. Mary Lou Kownacki (Liguori)
I DON'T FEAR QUESTIONS
 |  |  |  |  |
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Home||Benedictine Sisters of Erie||Catalogue||Joan in the News||Contact Benetvision Fund for Prisoners||Retreats||About Benetvision||Ideas in Passing Benetvision • 355 East Ninth Street • Erie, PA 16503-1107 • Phone 814-459-5994 benetvision@benetvision.org • Fax 814-459-8066 Copyrighted © 2007 Benedictine Sisters of Erie, PA |
